Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, for the past three days, we have been stationed at Lim Chu Kang's Burning Salvation Arena to document on the Burning Salvation Competition that was held recently. It was supposed to be a private competition and media press were not allowed to enter according to the caretaker. However, when we arrived, the caretaker was not there and rumours told that he has to go for an operation as a potato was stuck to his ass earlier this week.
After two days of intense competition, only five competitors were left. The final day was supposed to be held for the finals. Clearly, this remaining competitiors were profesional and know what to do except one, Mr Neckolos, who was released before the start of the competition after being detained in the local police station for playing with Napalm. It seems that he has the habit of hiding under other victims bodies until there was one person left where he would stuff a potato up his or her mouth in which, it simultaneously combust into flames.
Before the start of the match, two helicopters, carry five tonnes worth of Russet Salvation potato each, was sent by the Russet Salvation factory units to the Arena to re-fill the potato supply. A total of ten tonnes were set for the match as each match could last for up to a day with two hours of interval break. It is now become a must that competitors to bring an oxygen tank in the Arena. Also, a weaponary or shield are allowed to be brought inside the Arena.
For the first two hours match, Mr Neckolos was the first one to be elimated, or in his case, burnt crispy black. While trying to run away from a barrage from Toa Payoh's Mr Kurohime-san, Mr Neckolos's oxygen tank was heavily punctured by Pasir Ris's Mrs Sunar's Swiss Army Knife which she brought into the Arena. The oxygen leaking from the tank caught fire immediately and roasted him alive. By the end of the first match, three people were remaining which includes Mr Kurohime, Mrs Sunar and Pakistan native Mr Kumaronald.
The three way match lasted until the third match. The potato Mrs Sunar throwed were deflected by Mr Kurohime-san using his baseball bat that he brought in. After thorough background check, he was once a profesional Japanese baseball player until he was addicted to burning people up in Burning Salvation. The potato exploded infront of Mrs Sunar and her hair caught fire. She started panicking and running around like a retard before her oxygen mask were engulfed in the fire on her hair. Simultaneously, the oxygen tank exploded, killing her in the process. After the match, Mr Kumaronald claimed to have lost an eyebrow because of the blast.
The whole Burning Salvation season ended when Mr Kumaronald successfully stuffed a burning potato up Mr Kurohime's ass and it exploded. Mr Kurohime's body reported flew and hit the glass dome and puncturing a hole in the glass which his head was struck to. The smell of burning flesh attracted many of the forest birds and soon they were pecking Kurohime's eyeballs like there was no tomorrow. Mr Kumaronald was declared victorious and was presented with a trophy. He also won a trip to a Russet Salvation potato plant in Australia.
After the match, the only problem they had was how to get rid of the remaining Russet Salvation potatoes. Only one tonne was used in the finals. The judges were racking their brains on how to get rid of them when the Mammoth emerged from the forest and went on a potato spree. Roaring and rampaging like a retard, he smashed a few spectators stand and ate up the rest of the Russet Salvation potatoes. After he had finished, he rolled back into the bushes. Hunters were dispatched at once and before long, they came back empty handed. It was to be believed that the Mammoth was hibernating as it was not seen for the past week. It was not known why a creature like him would be hibernating but it was suggested that the mammoth genes in his body prodded him to hibernate. Scientists could be seen in Lim Chu Kang's forest area looking for the place where the Mammoth took shelter while he was hibernating.
That was all the news for today. Please tune in for more Mammothic news of gigantic porpotions. I'm the Sudden News Correspondent, have a nice day.
