Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm JaBlack of the Sudden News Department bringing you the most flabbergasting news we had so far. About 2 p.m. earlier today, a local police station received a call from a nearby clinic doctor that claimed he has the notorious Jacky, the fictional rapist from the !Kung bushmen captive, seeking for treatment in his clinic.
The S.W.A.T. team was dispatched immediately as Jacky has been known to be as slippery as his dick covered with semen. After surrounding the clinic, S.W.A.T. team leader, Hash Brown entered the premises to interrogate Jacky himself. However, this proved to be much more difficult than expected since Jacky could only click his tongue and made weird noises that sounds like a woodpecker drugged on caffeine. Brown decided to send a audio tape to some retard that could speak their lingo.
The translations are as follow : "I was running around the street, looking for my next victim when I found her. She was a buxom woman around her twenties so I decided to insert it. While I was screwing her, another man saw me in the act. He decided it was the new trend and decided to join in. He repeatedly inserted his dick into my asshole. I yelled and scream telling him to stop and have mercy. The bloody homosexual continued until my ass bleeds. Once he saw blood, he ran away like a sissy. It was so painful I cannot even pass my waste properly."
After examining the bushman's rectum, his story seems to confirm it. It was agreed that after getting his treatment, Jacky would be sent to jail for rapping and claiming eight people's virginity. However, he made a break for it while the doctor decided to clean his fingers which was covered in shit. Fortunately, the clinic was still surrounded by S.W.A.T. team and his prison-break was unsuccessful. His trial would be held in the make-belief Singapore's Juicidal Court on Monday morning.
That is all for today's news. Please keep tuning on to Coro/Sudden News blog site for the latest news of the front paper that are too stupid or embarrasing to be reported. I'm JaBlack, your garbage-eating son of a gun, reporting in.
