Good morning ladies and gentlemen, it's JaBlack, the Sudden News Correspondent reporting in today. As you might've known, the blog site has been inactive for a while until yesterday. It was due to the economical crisis, that our producer only decided to host the blog again after much bribery, blackmailing and shoving burning Russet Salvation potatoes up his ass.

In other news, the word that a purely fictional !Kung people, named Jacky that had went on a rapping spree is setting fire into virgin's heart. After today, he had already robbed seven virgins of their virginity. And three of them were male. Due to the shock of being raped, the seven non-virgins are spending their time with a local psychiatrist. Their course would be done after a full seven days.

Jacky, the run-away rapist, had not been captured yet. Due to his nature of surviving in near desert region, he would not be able to adapt to Singapore's environment yet. Scientist and hunters believed the best time to capture him, would be now. However, it is not an easy task. As !Kung people could spend their days walking and running on the desert plains for a period of long time, they are able to pro-long their time here, in a humid environment like Singapore.

In other totally related news, it was believed that Jacky, had a connection to the Mammoth as he had left behind a gooey-like substance from one of the seven crime scenes. It was not known why only one of the crime scene had them but after careful analysis, it was believed to be the 60% powder potato from Mr Bald potato factory. The powder dissolved when the victim dropped his half-eaten baked potato into a puddle of rain water, creating that gooey-like substance on the ground.

Also, the economical crisis had turned global yesterday evening. Many people decided to drop eating potatoes as it was very expensive due to the Mammoth's usual potato spree, and decided to change into tapioca instead. It was far more cheaper and richer in fiber than the normal potato. Furthermore, it was much more affordable as some crazed son of a lunatic decided to go on a tapioca-planting spree. His harvest were a total of 10, 000kg of tapioca which the market would be buying for a total $50,000,000. The lunatic, Mr Plantsalot, was unavailable for comment as he was preparing for a carrot-planting spree.

The economical crisis had stopped the cloning progress of the fictional Russet Giant potatoes. Funding were needed and the government decided to switch to tapioca as they heard it was cheaper. Scientists were ordered to drop the Russet Giant potatoes project and decided to genetically engineered a tapioca to produce even more bigger edible roots which only need minimum amount of water and sunlight.

This is the end of our news report, I'm JaBlack of the Sudden News Correspondent, reporting. Please tune in to catch more news that has branch out after the Mammoth was Missing In Action, if our son of a gun producer decided to host the blog site.