Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I bring you great news about the new potato species, purely engineered to be the salvation to our Mammoth problems. Scientist have now managed to mass-produce this potato. Due to its long name, it has been renamed, the Russet Salvation type. One drop of the poison found in its skin is lethal enough to bring down a grown elephant. Surely the whole potato would be enough to bring down the gigantic Mammoth down.
In other news, the crazed mad-hunter, Clement, was brought to New York Downtown Police Station for questioning on why he stole the truck and where'd he get the potato bait from, since potato supplies was scarce. But mostly, the potato bait. He denied everything and demand to be released from custody as he need to feed his pet potato. Interesting enough, when tested for mentality, he was shown to have an IQ of just an average 4 year old. He was then sent to Woodbridge Mental Hospital for treatment.
Strategist are now gathering all over the world in Alaska to set up the trap involving the culling of the Mammoth. Many ideas were brought out but none has seem to be found logical enough to trap this gigantic feral child. Unfortunately, many are optimistic that they would bring down the Mammoth this time around. While bringing the potatoes by helicopter to Alaska, one of the crew accidentally mistook it for his lunch and ate it. Within an astonishing 5 seconds, he has departed from the world. Symptoms shown were the enlarging of head and buttocks, but mostly, the buttocks. The victim also turned into an unpleasant red colour. Studies have clearly shown that when the poison enters the bloodstream, the victim feels complete ecstasy which numbs the five senses. The poison then quickly find its way towards the heart and destroying the muscles. The victim clearly didn't feel anything at all before dying.
Though the Russet Salvation potato is very unstable, able to simultaneously combust when the temperature reaches 60 degrees Celsius, it's still looks like a normal potato. Though the potato may not be sold cormecially, we believed that it may slip occasionally into the food market and be eaten by consumers. Due to the lack of potato nowadays, we are sure potato-lovers would go on a potato-spree, could easily mistook this potato for the normal potato. It is now advisable to remove the skin from eating any type of potato to risk of eating the wrong type. After peeling off the skin, wash it in the washing machine with a lot of bleach to get rid of excess toxins. The resulting potato would not contain anymore of the deadly toxins.
Please watch out for the next issue of Coro Coro/Sudden News reports as it will cover more about the potato crisis and it's way to end it. Gyan of the Sudden News Report correspondent, reporting.
