Good evening ladies & gentle-freak, this is JaBlack, the news correspondent of Sudden News Report, reporting of another tragic case of the Mammoth. However, we would like to explain about our absence these few months.

It has been a long while since we all took a break & we decided to go our separate ways for a holiday. CrankerZ went to visit Zhi Der, the ex-Coro Coro News correspondent to learn about our favourite sport, the Burning Salvation, or whatever the name is. Seriously, it's outdated. & I was supposed to join Gyan, another one of our ex-correspondent on the Sudden News branch. I had an enjoyable time looking at the ladies & singing with him. When it was time to go back to work, CrankerZ was reported missing.

It seems that he was Mammoth-napped by our fiendish fat friend of gigantic porpotions. Rumours has it that he baited CrankerZ by pretending to be his grandmother who was supposed to be sick. & Little Red CrankerZ visited his grandma to bring her some potato bread. Afterwards, there was no more word of our CrankerZ. We panickly searched for him in these past few months but to no avail.

However, this evening, I, JaBlack, garbage eating son-of-a-gun, received a text message from the Mammoth. He was trying to blackmail the comapany by asking us a ransom of 50 sacks of potatoes. This is the actual sms :

I have kidnapped ur fellow hunter crankerz. If u want him alive bring my 50 sacks of potato.

Clearly, the Mammoth doesn't know how to spell the word "you" & doesn't know how to count. Our stratergist are now planning a way to sabotage the Mammoth by sending him Russet Salvation potatoes & try to burn the Mammoth alive instead of experimenting whether the advertisement should include a free potato or not.

More news about CrankerZ's kidnapping would be posted here. Until then, please be wary of the gigantic hairy glutinous waste of space as he just turned a life of crime, next to the stealing of various potatoes. This is JaBlack, saying "Cabbage is the best source of garbage around", goodnight everybody.

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm JaBlack the Sudden News Correspondent. As you might have noticed, the blog site was down temporarily. The reason was an accident I had, during the school holidays. Due to the absence of this, and CrankerZ's maniacal hunting down of the Mammoth, we missed the new season of Survivor. So, our bad.

It all started with my day off. I was in my favourite garbage pile looking for something to eat for my breakfast, when I found this beautiful potato skins. The moron didn't even cut it properly, and there was bits of potato left in the skin! I slowly place the end of the potato skin in my mouth and savour the taste.

However, before I even chewed it, I felt a blow at the back of my head, and before I knew it, a giant hairy, potato-smelled hand reached into my mouth, and yanked the potato skin out. I was outrageous. My motto was "To never let anyone steal my garbage." next to "Rotten cabbages are the best!". So I decided to engaged in combat.

The gigantic potato-robbing son of a gun turned out to be the Mammoth. He was in a rage. Turns out that he had escaped the Survivor game before it had ended. I quickly called CrankerZ to help me dispose of this inorganic son of a b*tch. However, CrankerZ was busy out hunting the Loch Ness monster in New Zealand, and I was all alone.

It was not long before the winner was found. And it was the Mammoth. I laid defeated, on the ground while he roared and drooled all over my body. Then, he turned head over heels and ran as fast as his stubby legs can carry a 500 - pounds of walking blubber, oil and fats combined.

Right now, I'm in the hospital garbage facility, as I always found this the best place, writing my story. I swear that the Mammoth would be brought down, by my bent plastic knife. Why plastic knife, and bent one, you could ask. The reason being, all the thrown knifes in the garbage have snapped ends, blunt, and always covered in an odd substance that might be blood. It oddly looks like a murder weapon, too.

This is JaBlack, having my morning garbage in the hospital's garbage disposal facility, ending this report. Please be on the lookout for the Mammoth as he had turned into a frenzy ever since the Survivor incident. Our motto is, "If you bring a potato with you while walking on the street, please have your last will ready."

The hunt continues for the potato eating freak, The Mammoth. Just hearing its name scared the shit out of many. Yesterday, the mammoth was captured after being chained by a total of 89 dog leash. The dog leash is said by its manufacturer dat it is mammothproof and will not break even if it is holding 10 mammoths.

After the captured, the guard was bribed by mr burnett, the founder of Survivor, This time the whole new season will be called. Survivor: Mammoth Reloaded. Interested peoples are to send in a short clip free of pornographic materials, nudity, violence and vulgarities. The clip should include a brief intro about urself.

Now back to Survivor, the first stage reqires all participents to swim through a sea of potato and find a Russet Salvation potato. The person that fails will go through a penatly round, the penatly is to take a bite of any potato they find on a sea of a mixture of russet salvation potato and normal potatoes, if the person ate a Russet Salvation Potato, Says GG to him.

We will keep you posted on the other stages

CrankerZ of Corocoronews Reporting

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. JaBlack here reporting in about the case of serial rapist Jacky's trial. The results was only released today as there some major difficulties regarding the trial which took place on Monday.

From what the reports go, Jacky arrived at the fictional Singapore's Juicidal Court at 8 a.m. morning escorted with S.W.A.T. personals carrying weaponry. Also, witnesses also claimed that he was bound by dog leash. His lawyer, Mr McLawyerPerson, arrived a few minutes later. The trial began at 9 a.m. sharp with Judge Mdm JudgesALot.

The details was not released but, it was known that Jacky decided to fake an attempt a visit to the toilet. After being left alone at his cubible, he removed the toilet bowl with difficulty. His guards believed he was suffering from constipation and decided to fetch a doctor. When they came back, the toilet bowl was moved and the whole cubicle was covered with shit which horribly smell likes shit. The scene was left at it is and I had a chance to visit it. It was not as bad it was described. Actually, it was much more aromatic than the usual Monday morning's garbage.

A whole area combing search was issued. After five hours of continous search, one of the guards realised that the dog leash he had put on Jacky had a tracking device in it. The guard was demoted for his stupidity and promoted again for finally remembering it, resulting in remaining in the same position before demotion and promotion. Jacky was tracked to a local stripper's club.

He was once again detained with more charges. He was then proven guilty and was to be excuted using the electric chair. However, he begged to have his last wish granted - having to eat potatoes. It was, nevertheless, the strangest wish that one has wished for, but it was granted, nonetheless. He was savoring the potato before painfully being electrocuted. The potato in his mouth was then harvest to be recycled into new potatoes.

That's all for today's news. Please tune in for more disturbing news that make you laugh your ass off. I'm JaBlack, here at the local garbage recycling plant having my evening garbage, have a good night.

PS : I'd like to thank one of you who keeps dumping your rotten cabbages into the dump - They're my favourite!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm JaBlack of the Sudden News Department bringing you the most flabbergasting news we had so far. About 2 p.m. earlier today, a local police station received a call from a nearby clinic doctor that claimed he has the notorious Jacky, the fictional rapist from the !Kung bushmen captive, seeking for treatment in his clinic.

The S.W.A.T. team was dispatched immediately as Jacky has been known to be as slippery as his dick covered with semen. After surrounding the clinic, S.W.A.T. team leader, Hash Brown entered the premises to interrogate Jacky himself. However, this proved to be much more difficult than expected since Jacky could only click his tongue and made weird noises that sounds like a woodpecker drugged on caffeine. Brown decided to send a audio tape to some retard that could speak their lingo.

The translations are as follow : "I was running around the street, looking for my next victim when I found her. She was a buxom woman around her twenties so I decided to insert it. While I was screwing her, another man saw me in the act. He decided it was the new trend and decided to join in. He repeatedly inserted his dick into my asshole. I yelled and scream telling him to stop and have mercy. The bloody homosexual continued until my ass bleeds. Once he saw blood, he ran away like a sissy. It was so painful I cannot even pass my waste properly."

After examining the bushman's rectum, his story seems to confirm it. It was agreed that after getting his treatment, Jacky would be sent to jail for rapping and claiming eight people's virginity. However, he made a break for it while the doctor decided to clean his fingers which was covered in shit. Fortunately, the clinic was still surrounded by S.W.A.T. team and his prison-break was unsuccessful. His trial would be held in the make-belief Singapore's Juicidal Court on Monday morning.

That is all for today's news. Please keep tuning on to Coro/Sudden News blog site for the latest news of the front paper that are too stupid or embarrasing to be reported. I'm JaBlack, your garbage-eating son of a gun, reporting in.

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, it's JaBlack, the Sudden News Correspondent reporting in today. As you might've known, the blog site has been inactive for a while until yesterday. It was due to the economical crisis, that our producer only decided to host the blog again after much bribery, blackmailing and shoving burning Russet Salvation potatoes up his ass.

In other news, the word that a purely fictional !Kung people, named Jacky that had went on a rapping spree is setting fire into virgin's heart. After today, he had already robbed seven virgins of their virginity. And three of them were male. Due to the shock of being raped, the seven non-virgins are spending their time with a local psychiatrist. Their course would be done after a full seven days.

Jacky, the run-away rapist, had not been captured yet. Due to his nature of surviving in near desert region, he would not be able to adapt to Singapore's environment yet. Scientist and hunters believed the best time to capture him, would be now. However, it is not an easy task. As !Kung people could spend their days walking and running on the desert plains for a period of long time, they are able to pro-long their time here, in a humid environment like Singapore.

In other totally related news, it was believed that Jacky, had a connection to the Mammoth as he had left behind a gooey-like substance from one of the seven crime scenes. It was not known why only one of the crime scene had them but after careful analysis, it was believed to be the 60% powder potato from Mr Bald potato factory. The powder dissolved when the victim dropped his half-eaten baked potato into a puddle of rain water, creating that gooey-like substance on the ground.

Also, the economical crisis had turned global yesterday evening. Many people decided to drop eating potatoes as it was very expensive due to the Mammoth's usual potato spree, and decided to change into tapioca instead. It was far more cheaper and richer in fiber than the normal potato. Furthermore, it was much more affordable as some crazed son of a lunatic decided to go on a tapioca-planting spree. His harvest were a total of 10, 000kg of tapioca which the market would be buying for a total $50,000,000. The lunatic, Mr Plantsalot, was unavailable for comment as he was preparing for a carrot-planting spree.

The economical crisis had stopped the cloning progress of the fictional Russet Giant potatoes. Funding were needed and the government decided to switch to tapioca as they heard it was cheaper. Scientists were ordered to drop the Russet Giant potatoes project and decided to genetically engineered a tapioca to produce even more bigger edible roots which only need minimum amount of water and sunlight.

This is the end of our news report, I'm JaBlack of the Sudden News Correspondent, reporting. Please tune in to catch more news that has branch out after the Mammoth was Missing In Action, if our son of a gun producer decided to host the blog site.

In the past few months there have been a continuous case of serial raping, after much investigation, the police found out that it was done by the same person after bring the "liquid substance" left behind by the rapist, the serial rapist is known as jacky, a !kung who escaped to singapore to satisfy his lust,

This serial rapist must be stopped before it become a incident like the mammoth's. We Blive it was somehow related to the mammothic boy.

JaBlack will keep you updated with this news

CrankerZ from corocoro news reporting